Good morning, afternoon, and evening!
We're doing some database and other light server maintenance this weekend (upgrading the version of MySQL we use in particular, but also probably doing some CDN work.)
I expect all of this to be pretty invisible except for some small "couple of minute" blips as we switch between machines, but there's a chance you will notice something untoward. I'll keep an eye on comments as per usual.
Ta for now!
1. psychological well-being and satisfactory adjustment to society and to the ordinary demands of life.
2. the field of medicine concerned with the maintenance or achievement of such well-being and adjustment.
Mental Health is a broad topic. Everyone has mental health. Some have good mental health, some have mostly good mental health, some have lousy mental health, and some have the worst mental health.
I have, as I stated before, situational depression, depression, dyslexia, and a hyperactive disorder.
The situation is the passing of Peter and all that comes with that. Before it was my worrying about Peter and his health. That has been going on since he had his first stroke at Disney World in Disney Hollywood studios in front of Sid Cahuenga's. That were we think it started. We don’t stand there anymore. I have drugs to even me out and they are working. Better living through chemistry.
The depression is something I have been dealing with most of my life. It came to a head during my time at the Yale School of Trauma…excuse me…Drama. I was suicidal when everything seemed to come tumbling on my head. I got help there. Both talk therapy and some mental health drugs to get me back to even. I managed to finish my master’s thesis and graduate.
After that it was an occasional bout with it. I got good at recognizing the symptoms.
There isn’t much I can do about being dyslexic. I have coping skills. I taught myself to read after trying it their way. Because I was such a good reader, I was listed as a lazy speller. No one realized what was going on with me until college where my freshman English teacher ran studies in dyslexia. He figured out after I turned in three essays in my class. I got tested and was found to be very dyslexic. Made parts of my life make new sense. Left and right have very little meaning to me. If I can think hard, I can sort it out. North, South, East, and West had no meaning until I move here with Peter. South is the shore. North is opposite from south. If I am facing North, East is to my right and West is to my left. Sunrises and Sunsets taught me that. North star can also sort me out.
ADHD is a new one but makes sense considering some of my behaviors. I had to take a lot of tests for me to be diagnosed. My case is mild, but it does, at times, effect my life. It is something my therapist and I are working on. Now I can recognize when I am falling into patterns I need to get out of. This is another disorder I am taking drugs for, and they have helped a lot.
I have no idea how long I am going to be on my medications. I know a couple are in the rest of my life category. Eventually I will stop some medications because I don’t need them anymore. I look forward to that day.
I encourage people to check in on their mental health. And for anyone really depressed, it is not weakness to ask for help.
We must stop the stigma of depression and other forms of not good mental health. One goes to a doctor when they are feeling ill for their body. How is that different than going to a doctor for your mind?
I am grateful for my mental health team.
This week I worked at my job three days in a row. I woke up uncertain of the day or the date. Sorted it out with my iPhone pretty fast.
I have a project for the weekend. I am making a pumpkin puppet for a contest at work. I have a clever idea now let us see if I can execute it the way I want to. I think I have all the pieces I need. Crossing fingers I have enough cloth.
Tomorrow is “No Kings” day. There is a local protest that I am going to join.
Sunday will be spent with friends.
Monday I must go meet with the funeral director for the family memorial.
Then back to work I go.
I have a life of sorts. Things that need to be done and things I want to do.
It is a big adjustment from the last eleven years or possibly longer.
I was Peter’s caretaker/stage manager/agent for a long time. He could play good cop all day long and I was willing to be the bad cop and get him what he was owed.
Now I am a bit adrift. For the first time in a long time, I get to think about me and what I want and need. And I honestly don’t have much a clue. I have sublimated my wants for others. There are a couple of things, but I really don’t have the money at the moment to do them.
I am still waiting for the will to go through probate. There is not a lot in the estate, but it will help.
I am also trying to find a job that pays a living wage just like a lot of other people. I’ve been out of that job market for 22 years now. I am over 60. Not the first person who one would pick for a job. I am wondering if I should go back to school to get some other skills that pay better.
I have lots of skills that could be useful in the right job. I am organized and good at solving problems along with getting information quickly to the right people. And all the other skills I learned as a stage manager. I have office skills having started as an assistant at Del Rey and worked my way to Associate Editor. Honestly, I would be happy to have the job I had at Del Rey when I first started for the rest of my career.
Time is a funny thing. I remember things I did and then figure out that was over twenty years ago or thirty years ago or forty years ago. Forty years ago, I was stage managing my way around Atlanta and applying to go to the Yale School of Drama. It seems so long ago but also such a short time.
Having things happen on certain days gives me a sense of time but on those days. When I am on my own time, I can get confused. Thus, the use of a wall calendar and my handy electronics.
I am grateful for times past and present.
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