Just in case a few of my newly found old friends find this journal via Facebook, I thought I needed a "sticky" post with instructions on how to gain access to my brilliant prose contained within this digital journal.

Anyone who would like to be "friended" and granted an ALL ACCESS pass to Shay, please comment below letting me know who you are. Once upon a time my journal was public, then along came a troll and I had to shut the door, only allowing a select few to enter. (I sound so very exclusive don't I?)

My entries are pretty mundane and are mostly about my family and writing.

*waves at new/old Facebook friendos*

I want to read more this year. I'm not sure how much I read last year, because I didn't keep track like I usually do. 2009 was a rough year for me, with many ups and downs. I'm hoping 2010 is better.

One book I want to read this year is The Road by Cormac McCarthy. My friend Sara read it and said it changed her. I know it has the potential to be devastating, but I like that quality in books. (I need to continue with my Suzanne Brockmann reading too)

Are there any other books I must read this year? Please leave suggestions in the comments.

I like lots of different genres from literary to urban fantasy. (even non-fiction)

Nick complained about the many boxes of books he had to carry when we moved into the new house. I will be buying book shelves this month so I can unpack my collection.

People who know me well are familiar with my stance on the holidays. I don't care for the season and the faster it passes the better.

This year was different.

This year, something strange happened.

It began the Tuesday before the big day. I was sitting in my car, eating lunch in the parking lot at work, like I do often, while reading my Twitter list. There in amongst the mundane hourly updates and LOL cat links, there was a tweet from my favorite podcast, TBTL. I followed the cyber thread and learned Luke, the host, was planning a holiday song dedication show.

An idea was born.

I would contact Mr. Burbank and make a dedication to my father. Then if my voice mail was lucky enough to be included, I would burn it for my dad and give it to him for Christmas.

Tuesday slowly ticked into Wednesday and the hours of Wednesday ticked by till at last the podcast was ready to be downloaded. It contained some great Christmas music, a mix of the rarely heard and the old standards. Twenty minutes in, after Mariah's version of "All I Want For Christmas Is You," was my voice begging the TBTL crew to play my dedication to my dad. Tears welled up in my eyes and as they say about our favorite fuzzy, green guy, my heart grew three sizes that day. I couldn't wait for work to end and Thursday to come. I was going to go shopping on Christmas Eve and buy gifts for everyone in my family.

My brain, famous for scathingly brilliant ideas, thought of a scheme where poor little old me could afford to give 20 people gifts for Christmas and not break the bank. There would be toys for Izzy, Nate, and Jacobii of course, and burned CDs for my dad. The rest of the gifts would be things gathered from the bargain aisle at Wal-Mart. I would wrap them all up and put them in a festive bag and let my relatives reach in and choose their gift.

I was giddy as pre-teen boy just discovering what his genitals will do. Bouncing from one foot to the other, I couldn't wait till the evening descended and our Christmas Eve celebration began.

Dad was the first to encounter my Christmas transformation. I presented him with the CDs and instructed him to play the one with the holiday music first. He was half-way listening, not really appreciating the Flaming Lips and their Christmas zoo song. I forced him to stick it out for Mariah, then the moment came. My voice echoed from the speakers filling the computer room. Dad didn't realize it was me. He chuckled about the girl's father's obsession with Elvis, not getting he was laughing at himself. The first notes of "Blue Christmas" began and he noticed the tears in my eyes.

"That was me dad. I called the podcast and dedicated that song to you."

He forced me to rewind the dedication, then hugged me close, telling me what a fabulous gift I had given him. It was all I could do not to have a full blown emotional melt down.

The grab bag session went well, and my family knowing me, enjoyed their bounty.

It was a Christmas miracle.

Today I'm having a crisis of relevance, as in how am I relevant in the grand scheme of the universe. I wonder sometimes what mark my life has made and if I have made a difference.

Deep thoughts for a Tuesday afternoon. I blame the emo music I listen to. The alt-pop music defense that doesn't hold up in court. (it is right up there with my editor made me do it)

In reality, it is a symptom of gaining age. The closer we get to the grave the more introspection we have. (hypothesizing here of course since I'm a good 30 years from a clay bed)

I need to stop wasting time watching reality television and following train wrecks on the net.

New mantra for 2010:WWPWD? (what would Pete Wentz Do?) It was depressing to read how much he is missing performing and how FOB is over. I haven't even sang yet!

Now work, which sucks so much right now. I'm back in Jimmy's department. He asked me last week why my hair isn't cute anymore. *headdesk* My only saving grace is music via Pandora on my BlackBerry. I would die without it.

Explaining chronic pain to someone who has never experienced it is hard. They have never felt it and have nothing to compare it to. I realized this fun fact tonight at work.

When I am in extreme pain, I make noises when I get up or start walking. It is subconscious and most of the time I don't notice I'm doing it. A co-worker heard me and freaked out.

"That doesn't sound good. Are you o.k.? What is wrong with you?"

She knows my diagnosis and that I suffer from RA and fibro, yet she didn't connect that to why it hurts for me to stand or walk sometimes. When I mentioned it was normal for me, I could see the pity in her eyes.

I'm getting worse and will never get better. I have accepted that and strive to do all I can while I still can. Walking and driving is rough sometimes. Even tying my shoes can be a trial.

I noticed my wardrobe is changing as my illness progresses. I wear shoes I can slip on, no tying required. I have switched to t-shirts and sweats, no fumbling with buttons and zippers. It takes me longer to shower and wash my hair too.

I wish there was an easy way to convey my limitations to others without sounding pathetic or whiny. Feel free to make suggestions. :)

I will stress again that I have made peace with it and I try to find joy everday, even on the days it hurts to breath let alone walk. On those days I manage, one careful, deliberate step at a time.

My fingers are itching to get to work on my new writing project. The genre is woman's fiction. It is a bit of a departure from my usual urban fantasy. There are no demons unless you count the ones residing within the souls of my characters.

After having a honest conversation about PoC in fiction with a friend, I am considering writing a character who is not white. This worries me a bit. I don't want to head off into stereotypical land. But she assured me that's what beta readers are for, so I will write it and see what the betas say.

The story is set in Southern Louisiana/New Orleans. The characters meet in high school and manage to kill a classmate. The story is about their lives after the death. It is more complicated, but I'm afraid to write too much about it, lest I fall out of love before November begins.

I'm attending our first annual Yeti's writing retreat next weekend. I'm looking forward to spending a weekend writing in a cabin in the woods. We have a tentative schedule and a bit of free time planned as well. It should be fun and productive.

I decided that I liked Liquid Story Binder enough to own it. So last night at writing group, I began making dossiers of my characters. I haven't had time to play with the mind mapping, but I can foresee a full test drive in the near future. There will be play lists created as well as a time line.

My geekiness is starting to show a bit. I'm getting excited about working on a new project. I'm hoping the momentum will carry forth past November and inspire me to edit old projects. My words are coming back and it feels good.

I'm also slowly unlocking certain entries on my personal journal. I guess I'm leaning toward semi-private. I would make the switch to total DW, but so many of the people I know at LJ wouldn't follow me. (maybe I should think about cross-posting)

*shrugs*

I like having a space where I can geek about writing and not feel compelled to share every aspect of my life. :)

Seeing brian_ohio's post about Neil made me want to go back and re-visit my Neil experience. My old journal still exists, but I don't want to put you guys through the hassle of clicking links, so without further delay, a re-broadcast of my post about seeing Neil himself live.

Neil Gaiman is the most amazing and interesting person alive on the planet. Yes, I am a total smitten fan girl and even more so since I've seen him in person. It is an experience I recommend to anyone if they have the opportunity.

Laura, a.k.a. dream_mancer, drove us(us being me and Brittany) almost 130 miles so we could experience Neil. She is awesome and I bow before her ability to create space. We arrived two hours early, which was a good thing since there already was a line forming at the door. By the time the doors opened the line stretched out past the parking lot. We were able to get seats in the fourth row. We could've had third row, but we wanted to be sitting in the middle of the stage for the best view.

Neil opened with a poem, which he explained was a requirement. (not really, he was just being funny) I closed my eyes and let his voice wash over me. I was in literary heaven. He went on to give a short talk about fairy tales and myths. My favorite quote of the evening was, "Without our stories we would be nothing." And yes, I did indeed write it down so I would not forget.

Next, he read a yet to be published short story entitled "Orange." It was very funny. I noticed Neil writes much the same way he speaks. He seems like the kind of person you'd love hanging out with, just listening to music and geeking about comics. He's very easy on the eyes as well.

The evening wrapped up with a question and answer session. The standard questions were asked and Neil gave detailed answers complete with stories about his life. One girl admitted to being a huge fan and said she was about to faint. He told her to go ahead and faint because the person behind her would catch her. Then he walked up closer. I loved him for that. Then there was the girl who didn't have a question, she wanted to thank him for visiting Arkansas. He mentioned he rides the train to the west coast and comes through Little Rock every time.

We decided against staying for the book signing. The line was huge and we still had to travel two hours. I'm very happy Laura drove us to Conway and I was able to see Neil up close and personal. It's an experience I'll never forget. It was inspiring. I will finish up my short stories I have in process and throw them to the wolves and hope for a drunk editor. :P

P.S. Neil mentioned he wanted to first be a werewolf and second a writer. I wonder if that is why he keeps his hair a shaggy mess. :)


I hope I have Neil flavored dreams complete with flying saucers, orange sisters, werewolves, and zombies.

Carrie Jones has beat the nasty flu and is back online with a new contest. (YaY for Carrie not being sick anymore!)

If you would like to win an ARC of CAPTIVATE, the sequel to her novel NEED, then please click HERE for more details.

Now I must hunt for a picture to submit! :)

I NEED CAPTIVATE so bad, I'm willing to give up all my Fall Out Boy CDS for an ARC.

hehehhehehhe

I still exist!

There was no writing happening all summer, so no entries.

Actually, I haven't had enough to time to keep up with this blog and my LJ. It is true that I haven't worked on anything all summer long. But the good news is, I have a new idea in the works and the words will be back shortly.

Barb, a member of my writing group, introduced us to novel bashing, which is plot brainstorming. I offered my idea to The Yetis and we bashed so there is a workable plot and some character development. This new idea is woman's fiction and doesn't contain any paranormal elements. It feels weird, yet at the same time "right." I do believe it is possible to write well in several genres and I don't think we pick the stories we tell.

The next two months are going to be busy, with NaNo prep and a writing retreat. I volunteered to Co-ML again. (probably my last year) I'm more excited about the retreat. Two days in a cabin in the woods doing nothing but writing. Bliss! (I'm sure there will be a bit of drinking and merry making since it is a Yeti sponsored event)

Thanks to everyone who stuck with me through the long silence. I promise to not wait so long in the future.